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Read “90% water, 10% caffeine” – A coffee addict’s painful way to green tea Part I here.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
17:06 – Need. Sleep. So tired. And my head is aching. But it has just started, so I guess that is good. No green tea so far. I guess that’s even better. I won’t give my fucked up body any more of that devil’s stuff called caffeine. Unbelievable that all this time I thought coffee was my friend while it actually messed me up so horribly. It’s just like dysfunctional relationships. They seem like a good idea at the time, but once it’s over you make yourself promise never to let anything like that happen again. Until, well, you do it again.
Friday, April 8, 2016
11:17 – Being very unproductive this morning. Once I realized that my mind was going around in circles, I immediately thought “I need some coffee to get me focused”, which is not true. I couldn’t see it through my caffeinated haze, but coffee was only a mean of distraction to me. I am fine without it. After the first couple of days of complete insanity, that is. I hope you appreciate this moment of wisdom. I certainly do. Feel empowered. Like nothing can stop me. Like one of these annoyingly balanced people who only drink green tea and do yoga every morning and meditate and hug trees.
11:39 – Was about to go hug a tree. Then I saw my flatmate enjoying his “morning” coffee in the kitchen. Forget trees. They don’t care about being hugged anyways. Give me COFFEEEEEEEEEE!
11:43 – Can we please acknowledge the fact that I’ve been going without any form of caffeine for almost two full days now? Full 44 hours, to be precise.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
16:03 – Still, no caffeine fix so far. I’ve got to admit, I am pretty proud of myself. It’s been over 72 hours now. But I have to say, I am pretty tired right now. Didn’t get anything done yet and it is already quite far in the day. Really tempted to make myself some green tea. It would be according to the rules…
22:11 – I consider myself healed. No green tea today. Again. How proud are you of me?
Sunday, April 10, 2016
17:15 – I really need coffee. Like really. What can I say; it’s been a long night. And there is some studying that should have been happening all day. It still hasn’t happened. This is not the addiction speaking. Just sleep deprivation. And a desperate need to keep my grades somewhat up.
20:46 – Tomorrow is the day! It was a long week. But it’s over soon. Going to have sweet dreams of cappuccinos and lattes and all that good stuff tonight.
Monday, April 11, 2016
9:02 – Oops!…I did it again. The coffee machine was successfully started just now. I feel kind of guilty for throwing away all that hard work of last week, but hey. I need to see if I react differently to caffeine now. It’s all in the name of research…
9:14 – Ready for the first sip. This is the most exciting thing in a week. I truly am a lost cause.
9:15 – I am going to be honest here. The first sip was kind of disappointing. I never realized how bitter coffee tastes. That being said, I feel whole again. Bitterness or not. I would be bitter too if my sidekick just abandoned me for a whole week. I’m sure we’ll work it out, though. Me and my coffee against the rest of the world.
10:16 – My hands are shaking. And I didn’t even have a full cup yet. This is ridiculous. Glad I did my makeup before, otherwise my face would now look like a Picasso.
10:17 – Ok, I am not sure I like this feeling.
10:21 – I can’t focus anymore, for God’s sake. It’s happening again. The caffeine makes me crazy. I should really consider quitting this…
11:51 – That’s it. Do you even know how hard it is to paint your nails while your hand won’t stop shaking? Oh the struggles. I really do have a horrible life. Why are you doing this to me, coffee? I thought we were in love…
All jokes aside: As much as it pains me to say this, I know now that I don’t need coffee. After the first couple of days of sheer insanity I actually felt way better than before. My sleeping rhythm got better. I got up at a decent time because I couldn’t stay up as late due to a lack of caffeine in my body. It was good. I actually felt more rested and healthier. Instead of liters of coffee I drank water and tea and smoothies. How healthy and responsible is that?
Now, I do realize that from a physical point of view I should stop drinking coffee for good. Psychologically, though, it is not easy to accept this. Everything coffee represents in my mind makes it incredibly hard to quit it. I don’t blame my mom anymore. I blame the Gilmore Girls. Yes, I do know how stupid that sounds. But hey, other kids are inspired to play all kinds of crazy war games by movies they are too young for. A coffee addiction inspired by the most innocent TV show ever made was the craziest “problem” I acquired while growing up. Yes, I was a tough kid. Lorelai Gilmore was my hero. I wanted to be just like her. Always on the go, driven by tons of coffee. Confusing people with stupid comments. Never shutting up. Being irrational at times and always making sure to do what makes her happy. Ten years later, I think I am a little Lorelai Gilmore. Without the extensive knowledge of music and movies. But the coffee addiction. And the stupid comments. And the ability to confuse others with all the incoherent blabber coming out of my mouth. And the irrationality – big time.
What I am trying to say: In my mind, coffee stand for a fast paced life style. A life without limits. Doing what makes me happy and not what is expected of me. A touch of irresponsibility. I never did drugs and I am not planning to. Coffee is my ridiculously innocent way of being a rebel. What a crazy kid I am.
So, I will have to work on all the labels I put on things. Drinking green tea instead of coffee doesn’t make me a responsible grown up all of a sudden. It most certainly won’t make my irrationality go away – even though that might be a great side-effect. Most importantly, I will still make stupid comments and confuse people. That’s me. And I won’t change just because I will try to live a little healthier. (With focus on “a little”. I still despise doing any kind of sports.)
Thanks for following my journey of the past week. I hope I inspired you to go on a caffeine cleanse yourself. Or to never try coffee in the first place. Or to watch Gilmore Girls. But beware of the horrible side-effects it can cause. In any case, I am off to the store now. Need to stock up on green tea…
Editor: Kiran Arokiasamy
